why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
