Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
