you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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