I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
the raccoons are back...
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