i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
