How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
