is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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