I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
