I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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