Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
