Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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