i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
