so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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