Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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