where am i from again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
