i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
