Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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