tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
