I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's official drugs can't kill me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
