nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
