Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
