only if we run a train.
done.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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