We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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