Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
