we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
