I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
