it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I need a burrito and a hug.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
