i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
