Christians are straight up FREAKS
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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