i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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