nut hugger
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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