i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
