at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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