How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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