I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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