Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
