i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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