My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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