Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
