D3 body, D1 cock
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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