worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
