??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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