Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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