I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
