Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
