I heard we made out
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
