Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm jealous of your bromance
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
