You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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