Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
