do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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