Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
