I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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