A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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