Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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