3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
