Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
