Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize