I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
