I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
