Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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