her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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