She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
