first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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