dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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