Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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