In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
