Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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