Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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