Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
