When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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