Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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