My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
