he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
