youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
