She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
