I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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