I didn't shave. On purpose
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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