if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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