last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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