Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize