Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
