omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
