she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
