Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
