I wish my penis had an off switch
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
