Dual....:-)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
