Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
